Just Five By David Reid Otey

I spent too much time with the electronic waste land, again: Facebook (after the important parts of family and friend news), Yahoo news-getting tired of being sad and angry at what they present in negatives, and the sideline garbage and sales pitches. We’re too often infatuated with being fascinated, like the pirates opening every trunk they find hoping to finally gain great treasure and Nirvana.

But the deep interest/ talent side of my mind was consistently calling me, like the rotating beam of a light house,  to ”come play with us”. I heard another call from there, looked at the clock, sighed at another ”fallen” section of time passed, and then heard another voice attached, no doubt, to the talent side, that said, ” just do one minute of the self-defense exercise. Just one minute.” I did, and during that minute decided to do another and another for four minutes. I felt very good. So, I walked into the kitchen to shrink the sink full of dishes. This time, though, I said to myself, “do just five minutes, since it’s late.” I set the stop watch on my cell phone and placed it inside the open spatula drawer where I could see it and keep it dry. I thought of positive events of the day as I washed, and peeked at the timer after each glass or plate. Five minutes was almost up, but I felt like doing ” a few more” and continued. My thoughts took over the time watching and soon I noticed I was in the twenty minute range. I was close to a perfectly clean sink so I finished all of the dishes and then wiped the counter until 25 minutes appeared. Then I stopped.

I’ve done this before occasionally with regard to my music and journal writing. If I renew this practice as a daily keystone habit then I can dive into my talent projects quicker. It is difficult to avoid distractions when I think of my projects as needing a half hour to accomplish anything. Distractions, by nature, are “just for a minute” attractions to start with, and we all know how easily those minutes add up to an hour and more. So I can control those time slips by consciously and purposely setting ”Just One” or “Just Five” minutes to a talent project.

I already know the exponential power of any action taken on a consistent basis. I’ve experienced that often and it is a great feeling. Continuity is the next phase I need to master with regard to my talent projects. I’m getting there and with writing this I can help insure my commitment to the daily practice of “Just Five”.  Time to go now. END

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When the Sun comes up. By Dave R. Otey

When the sun comes up the day is bright again. The paths are clear to see. The directions are easy to choose, the potholes and rough spots are easy to avoid. Clarity makes peace and progress possible and definite.  We have our sights set clear and wide, to change our directions to a happier life. Until the next set of clouds that form a storm that makes a darkness and a mood forlorn,

I wonder many times where the clouds come from: the ones within ourselves. What wind brings them in and how are they formed ? What sight or smell, or sound or touch, or taste can turn around our state of mind from joy to fear, from confidence to doubt, to hiding inside instead of going out ?  What pain within gives rise to pointing and yelling instead of finding the way to resolve whatever we think or know is the cause ? What makes us forget the peace and good we have to turn away into self-pity and spiritual depression ?

Hope is happy, the promise of a chance to see life get better, to feel connected to others who care and are waiting to give. Hope connects to the HOW TO, for knowledge of the steps to make, when and where. Hope points out the beliefs that must change to form the right empowering thoughts that must be focused on to provide the guiding insights that energize the desire and drive to confidently commit to the actions that are the steps from where you are to where you want to be.

Where does the rising sun of hope come from? From the right questions.  Why am I off the path of confidence and happiness ?  What needs to change ? What did I say or do that took me off the path ? What do I need to say and do to get back on the path ?  Is there anything I need to stop doing, to stop saying to myself and others to make that shift back onto the path ?  Who must I connect with to help me ?

Life is much better with good wise friends and sometimes strangers God provides along the way to help ”see” what we missed along the way and show us what we need to realign our spirits with peace and happiness.  Who are your sun rays of HOPE ?  Who are YOU a sun ray of hope for ?   Keep the lights shining every chance you get. Make every day glow for others and yourself.    End.

KEYS By David R. Otey

Keys can be physical keys to push into locks, or groups of notes on a piano top. They are main points in a lecture or book, or a main speaker in a convention. “The keep point is…”, the speaker says, meaning the “one thing” that will get you blessed. Keys open the box of understanding. Key stones hold the arch together, pressure coming from both side,  meeting in the center, leaning from each side on a key stone which becomes the strongest stone-maybe. Keys are the dots of a dot to dot, the border pieces of a puzzle, the spices in a meal, the hooks of songs, the sight, sound, taste, smell or touch that inspires an idea or an action toward a major decision that sparks a major shift in one’s life. Trust is a key. Loyalty is a key. devotion is a key. Faith is a key. Hope, love, patience, honesty, one more chance–these are all keys. Keys open opportunities, connect to the next step of a forward journey, give light in dark moments, become landmarks of confidence and security. People are keys to each other. The key people in your life are dependable, forgiving to a reasonable degree and the greatest support group for your personal growth and survival in life.  For every dream there is a key to connect you. So keep dreaming and keep growing.

End

Marriage life thrives from Touch. By David Reid Otey

Touching, hugging, making love: for most people these are the elixir of life second only to breathing. These three acts reflect the most important part of existence: to feel, to belong physically to another person, to have daily sensuous contact, body to body on any level. It can be as slight as holding hands and light massages. But among adults it should include all three actions at least within every three days.  Loving Touch soothes, heals, bonds, excites and balances emotions.

Some of us miss being touched with passion, with desire, with the plan to make it go from light to heavy and then to the dance of love.  Touch is life. The right touch makes the best feelings: hugs, fondling, caressing, joy, deep breathing. Touch is the way God made to let us know the meaning of that phrase, “and let there be light”.  A passionate hug pulls away stress, softens the harshest times, gives relief, offers hope, fills with strength needed to go the next step, the next mile.

It is  dangerous and unwise  for a spouse or partner to change the relationship with their spouse from often sensually physically intimate to mildly or hardly physically intimate. It cracks the emotional and spiritual bond, wrinkles the confidence and could open the door for infidelity.  To withhold the intimately passionate physical expression of love  could be called a type of infidelity, because the main partner has closed off and shut down one of the main promises to each other in being together in marriage; to give to each other’s needs desireably, willingly and affectionately from the heart. This promise of physical expression was never and  should never be based upon obligation nor by force, nor by ownership, for those are not a foundation of love toward each other.

Withholding  the sensuous bonding act is to tear apart the bond of loyalty and devotion, creating a possible domino effect upon the other levels of sharing. Withholding creates a change in perspective, from loving another for what YOU can give them to make their life happier, to loving them for what THEY can give you to make your life happier regardless of what they need. That is a formula for producing emotional pain that borders on subtle cruelty. One sided giving gets lopsided quickly and forces devotion and loyalty in an unbalanced and unnatural form.

In one case, a man visualizes having an affair with someone else–a friend–for the purpose of playing it through in his mind. He knows the joy would be great because he knows the feelings would be mutual and honest. But he also foresees that this situation would be desired again, and that it would be against his nature to use another woman for intimacy. He would be truly loving with his giving and he would receive honest joy and equal affection as well.  Then he thinks about his kids and grandkids, what they’d think, how disappointed they would be, how it would affect their confidence in their own abilities to be faithful for decades without ‘falling’, how they’d look at him as weak and as not being the same man anymore and, to some degree, maybe create an emotional distance between them . He can foresee  the awkwardness of holidays and family nights. No, it is safer to take care of his needs in a solitary manner. One depending more upon imagination than reality, upon fantasy.

I, for one, need touch to feel like life is great.  Empathy, compassion, sensuality and sexuality are the strongest passions we have.  They are the most common traits of human desire that businesses use for  themes in advertising their products.  Touch is the prime reward for performing the other common traits of human desire. We live for give and take. If that circular balance is disrupted between two people, other parts of a relationship soon deteriorate. Anger, arguments, insults, derogatory remarks of contempt: these can be temporary and logical reasons for withholding, since they interrupt the necessary feelings of desiring each other.  These can and should be remedied as soon as possible.

Otherwise, another possibility is ”falling out of love” with someone. No longer feeling desire to touch them, to want them physically, to feel their touch in return. What reason is there for that ?  Has each stopped seeking to do the ”little” things that make emotional and physical foreplay ?  Has one of them changed into a person now repulsive, now unattractive in any or every sense ?

Has one partner’s body and mind simply aged to the point of shutting down any relationship to the more intense passion of love’s expressions ?  Do they only want for themselves the simpler expressions of holding hands, sitting close, being present together and nothing more ?  How do two life partners balance this troubling situation ?  Perhaps one partner’s body has become weakened or deadened to the strong desire of intimate physical passion because of poor health, whatever the cause. Does that mean they do not realize the loss ? Does it mean they avoid talking about it, hoping the other partner will leave them alone and figure out their own remedies ?

These variations create an unwanted maze to stumble through. The success or failure of coming out of this maze with the same life partner and with the same desired loyalty and devotion that began  the relationship depends upon the thoughts of self-worth, of reasonable expectations with respect to changing physical conditions and of quality of life for oneself. And all of these reflect a system of belief that must be evaluated again for deciding what changes to make and how. Who should matter more ? God, culture, family, self ?

Life is not an easy road,  simply because of changes that alter physical and mental abilities, hopes and dreams, and conditions that affect self-respect and confidence.  We all walk the same road yet in our own paths that sometimes join together either for a lifetime or for a number of seasons. Some of the potholes we can handle easily together, one pulling the other out to safety. Sometimes one gets left in a pothole too deep to be helped. But those times, when such separation is so distant as to be out of reach, happen because someone let go of the other’s hand to see something else apart from each other or to not be slowed down. There is no easy answer. Each one of us will study as long as we are willing, as long as we are able to understand, and finally choose an answer, an action that is either acceptable or justifiable.                    The End.