Feeling jilted, cheated, rejected, deceived, fooled, taken advantage of, used, wasted, tossed aside and more tends to give the impression that a part of our lives was not real, not truthful, not part of the destiny we deserve and should have had. Suddenly pages of a story were ripped out and there’s that void that makes the before and after senseless, unconnected. So one choice is to feel bitter, like a sliver never left our skin, like a piece of lemon is still stuck in the gums and never loses its bite. For awhile, that’s normal, inevitable and part of honest and real healing. Bitterness is the antibodies to close up the wound even if a scar is left. What’s hard for some is to let go of the bitterness after the closure has been made and is obvious to all around. Our friends, if not our families, are often a fair gauge of when life should be changing for us–meaning letting us know when we must start changing our behaviors a bit toward positive “over it, sort of” actions.

The part of life that’s painful is not a waste. It is still very useful and very much a part of connecting who we were before and who we are after the fact. We love to read of character’s hard time actions in novels. No action, boring book. But it’s a different story in our lives. It’s usually never chosen. It’s just a result of human interactions and, in some cases, slowly developing maturity for some that create the circumstances for a dire situation.  We should become more interesting people and wiser from the experience. I believe most of us do. It’s always choice, you know, for how long and how intense to  make the bad times roll.

So, do yourself a life-saving favor. Pick a specific time limit for the bitterness mode, and maybe even have a party with friends and you all share  stories. 🙂   Sincerely, David R. Otey

2 thoughts on “BREAKING BITTERNESS BLUES–By David Reid Otey

  1. Sometimes I think it’s more a matter of not getting rid of them but redefining them. As strange as it may sound, the bad and shitty times are part of what makes us as we are today. If we define those times as experiences that make us weak and self-rejected we turn into the kind that sort of say–“if I hadn’t been so gullible or needy, etc, I wouldn’t have fallen into it. I guess that’s who I am and I’ll have to watch out for others taking advantage of me again.” But if we see them as moments that taught us two things–1. There are lousy jerks and bad moments in times that challenge us. And 2. I didn’t know I had it in me to survive that sort of person or thing–I am really stronger now, wiser now and I can help someone else because I can spot crappers when they get close now. Then we are empowered as a result, taking away the ability of any past memory to give us pain again when it comes around. Instead, it makes a burst of power within. Anthony Robbins pointed out to a lady once that the abuse and pains she suffered in childhood were part of the experiences that made her a fabulous song writer–although that’s not the only way to become a great songwriter and no one would want that–but her deep feelings gave her gift to reach people in a comforting and understandable way.

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